The first time I read Dylan Thomas’ words to his dying father, and I shouted I agreed completely with the feelings of Thomas. How right he was, I thought, to demand fighting to the very end. That’s the way I would be when my time came, and that’s the way everyone should be. I have had a few years to think it over. Today, burning and raging have less appeal and I find myself impatient with the “Give ’em Hell!” crowd.
Probably his bellicose stance helped Thomas the son. The psychotherapist in me thinks, “That’s one way to avoid feeling the pain of loss — focus on how the one you are losing ought to behave.” And if we refuse to accept parental death, we can, like Woody Allen, nourish the secret, sly wish that although “everyone dies, I’m hoping that in my case they will make an exception.”
But how did Thomas the father feel about it? We are not privy to that knowledge.
My own father died unexpectedly in his sleep when I was nine years old. Some part of me must have felt angry and betrayed, but at nine I could not articulate my grief, let alone rage. I can never know what it was like for him.
I have since experienced the death of my grandmother in her eighties, my mother in her seventies, friends, colleagues, and teachers in their middle age, and young clients cruelly claimed by AIDS and cancer. Most of the time I desperately wanted the person to live and not die, but I have become very careful to not add my own need to the burden of the dying one, offering only unqualified loving support.
I have come to believe that affirmation of life is not incongruent with acceptance of its inevitable end; that the in…
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…y and loss that inspires us. He transformed his tragic circumstances by going gently.
Is longevity all we aspire to? Do we admire a rose less because it will not live as long as an oak tree?
The Alcohol Anonymous prayer asks for courage to change what can be changed, serenity to accept what cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference. Acquiring that wisdom is surely one of our most worthy and important goals.
Reconciling our appreciation for hair dye, cosmetic surgery, fitness, hip replacements, contact lenses, etc, with honoring age — and eventually death — is essential for serenity.
We can, I believe, cherish life, work tirelessly to find cures and relieve suffering, and wear lipstick, while recognizing the truth and beauty of Buddha’s words:
“Everything that has a beginning has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well.”
The Truth of Love Revealed in Adam’s Curse
The Truth of Love Revealed in Adam’s Curse
“Adam’s Curse” is a poem by William Butler Yeats that was written at a time when his first true love, Maud Gonne, had married Major John MacBride. This may have caused Yeats much pain and Yeats may have felt as cursed as Adam felt when God had punished man from the Garden of Eden. This poem, in fact, symbolizes his pain and loss of love that he once had and is a recollection of his memories during happier times with Maud.
In the beginning of the poem “We sat together at one summer’s end/ That Beautiful mild woman your close friend/ And you and I, and talked of poetry”, Yeats recalls a beautiful time with Maud. Poetry could be related to the language of love, and Yeats recalls falling in love with Maud. He is reflecting on time that he has spent courting Maud, however due to the curse that Adam received from God, falling in love is not as simple as it was before. The “stitching and unstitching” tells of how hard it is to form a bond and put together love. This love is then taken apart and worthless for Yeats, because he does not acquire Maud. This development of love was not easy for Yeats and neither is the loose of love. He is writing a poem here to express the difficulty he is having losing his first love, Maud. He expresses this in a poem and compares poetry to falling in love. This is a curse from God to all men.
He wants it to be told that to write poetry is just as difficult as his attempt to court Maud. It is extremely difficult to produce a beautiful poem, as it is difficult to fall in love. Many people think that writing poetry is not hard work, as falling in love seems to be easy for some people. To make, “sweet sounds together” as in a po…
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…he may have done something wrong in his relationship with Maud, and he too is being punished as Adam was in the bible.
This poem is a beautiful recollection of love and how difficult it is to attain in our world. Yeats does not seem angry that he lost Maud, however he does feel God’s curse on men. He seems unsure if true love actually exists and thinks that he got as close as he ever will at finding it. Maud was unable to give Yeats the love he yearned in return, which is why Yeats felt the need to express himself through this poem. Perhaps this poem was the beginning of a healing process for Yeats. He was unable to express himself to Maud so he had to express himself through his poetry. His poetry, in turn was as difficult to write as his love for Maud was to accomplish. Yeats is just exhausted at this point and it is seen at the end of his poem.